The Apathetics


surrounding us are the Apathetics of three kinds:

On the stage, awkward is how they feel
Barely even care to the spotlight’s heel
Safer they be, watching from the side of the stage
Embracing every detail with eyes of a sage
Rumors, openly they hear
Valid are their sights to the peer
Even the darkest spot they’re able to see
Retaining good and bad for the sake of the safety

,

Lame is what the Spotlghts claim them to be
Only to be crushed is why they reach for opportunity
Somtimes they could finally stay
Enduring all the pressure in the play
Rambling on with no end is how they end up on the way

, and

Silly are the Spotlights for them
Crushing others for no gem
Only fools–they say–think that shallow
Rambling in life creating shadow.
Never they’ll ever going up there
Entirely useless, that short fame to bear
Reliving life is for the only thing they care

 

October 6, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

word – unheard


Sometimes it doesn’t take
words to express how someone could make
us feel fake

Sometimes it doesn’t have to be
anyone telling us that we
are not actually
worthy

Sometimes it takes different languages to say
that we don’t want someone to stay
away

And even an expert of public speaking
wouldn’t say a thing
when she faces the King
to whom her heart cling

Friday, 23 September 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Intersections


At intersections

Some people choose left
Some people choose right

Some just forced to sail the raft
Some just, with pleased, ride the tide

At intersections,

Children confused
Teens amused
Grown-ups troubled
Elders mumbled

I,
hmph,
coward

 

June 14, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

I don’t understand


I don’t understand
why was I given two hands
I don’t understand
why was I given the mouth
I don’t understand
why was I given the brain

for everything I do
seems useless
for everything I say
seems wrong
and everything I think
seems not real

so

why bother
having these two hands
why bother
having this mouth
why bother
having these thoughts?

I don’t know

because

what people can understand
from hands
are the violence

what people can notice
from mouth
is the screaming

and what people know
from mind
are all those assumptions

and cries.

and I just don’t understand
them.

 

April 5. 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Traitor


Traitor
is what
you
think of
me

but that is
not
what I meant to be

from above
downwards
you always see

equipping yourself
with the wings of
the King of Fairy

tired
is what I
be

yes, I might still prefer
you as my
husband-to-be

but I decide to just stop
placing myself
as the owner of the sea

blending with those of the
so-called plankton,
but still as a me

living side by side with them
while keeping
my originality

you see?

it’s not so hard
realizing the peacefulness of
the harmony

so,
well,
if that the case be

Traitor
is somewhat of
me

but

survivor
in myself
is what I see

 

March 17, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

the white birds and the black birds


don’t be
ridiculous!

surely
our eyes are
different
in size

our feathers are
different
in color

what else?

I can’t even find
anything
more than
those two!

because!

we live in
the same
mother earth, on
the same
land, and under
the same
sky

so why so persistent that
we can’t
live together?

o, you stupid white birds!
why do you think
God gives you
opportunities to
fly higher?

is it to mock others?
is it to be over proud of yourselves?
or really,
to underestimate them?
to think of yourselves as nobles?
please!

grow up!
feel!
THINK!

and you,
you black birds!
what do you think
you’re doing?

you think
you’re fighting them?
you think
you’re trying to
prove yourselves?
making a
better place to live?

yea right.

mocking them,
is not a fight!
underestimating them
back,
is not proving anything!
cheating
them,
how is it gonna make you
a better place
to live?

c’mon, you two!
are you
happy
to be this way?

do you not
realize
you’re building
your own cages?

cause I,

I
do not wish
to be
trapped
with any of you!

right, just
build your cage!

and I
am gonna fly freely here
spreading my
transparent wing

watching you
dying.

March 15, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

you!


you
see the world
through
your
narrow eyes

you
think of people
in
black or white

you
lift up
your
blunt chin
and
square jaw,
thinking high
of
your kind

you
look down
to the dark
and always
foolishly look up
to the light

I
am NOT
part of you!

though
I
might’ve been
but I
no longer am

you
can’t deceive
me
with your stupid
lies!

not
anymore!

’cause
I
now stand by
myself
and walk
my path.

revealing
the real
truth

telling
everyone that
indeed,
there’s no fairness in
that so-called-fair skin of
yours
or
that so-called tactful brains of
yours

and together,
with them,

I
will fight
you.

because there’s just
no longer
us.

 

March 14, 2011
in the mood of appreciating justice,
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

My Life


it’s like being in a tube
with my solitude
playing my own tune
while they’re chewing their lettuce

I’m a freak
so they say
and though I’m ’bout to break
they’re just not going away

so I stay
enjoying my own play
ignoring that all day
they stare at me like I’m in their mind, a gay

just go away!
unless you have a word to say
and willing to show me the way
leave me alone! Okay?

March 9, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

FAITH


is like
two sides of a coin
one piece of a one-way glass, and
air

 

reflection of Emily Dickinson’s poems,
Feb 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

responding Emily Dickinson


if ever people talk about heaven
it’s to themselves that will it be given
as for the hearts that are broken
I think it could never be proven

 

in Poetry Class,
Feb 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

ConfeSSion


I do not need words
because words are only current’s mere thoughts
I do not need thoughts
for thoughts are only shameful assumptions
I do not need assumptions
as assumptions are rarely truth
because I only want the truth
the truth that says: Love.

for I am a person
who doesn’t understand words
because I am a person
who cannot accept mere thoughts
since I am a person
who really hates shameful assumptions
as I am a person
who then gives only the truth
the truth that says: to you, I’ve fallen in love.

 

Feb 4, 2011
for inspirations about love that rarely comes,
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

a Shameless Coward


I am a coward.
I talk big, but I think small.
I try to attract attention when I don’t even have anything to perform.
I feel like I am beautiful when the mirror says I am as ugly as a pig.
I think like I am smart which proves my real stupidity.
I tried to be like strong when my heart wants to be weak.
I want to depend on someone I love when I know
by having this kind of posture, being a weakling
will only make me look even more pathetic and ridiculous.
I am a coward.

Jan 29, 2011
in the midst of weaknesses and confusion.

Thoughts and Feelings


As night went darker
These feelings of mine felt even weirder
There seemed to be things that were bigger
But now they are just stranger

The heart said “Yes,
Leave them to me, all the rest.
I’ll do my very best
to finish all those test.”

But the mind said, “No,
There are things that are more than just this so-so.
Though you think like you really know,
but you do realize that you just can’t go.”

And then when the morning broke,
it was almost like a stroke.
Though I still thought that it was all a joke,
deep down, I knew that something was more than just a poke.

Jan 29, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

HTRAE


I just don’t understand
what’s happening
in this land.

The leaves are brown,
but the trunks are green.
Human lays on the ground
where nothing lies within.

The sky is red,
and the clouds are blue.
Just nothing can be read
from that voice of you.

Oh, the mighty Sun,
why do you look so pale?
When your job is not yet done,
but it looks as if you are in jail.

Is it possible
that you’ve lost your light?
Just who the heck is able
to win that kind of fight?

 

Jan 25, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Everything is a Cycle


how could I dream?
if I have never had the chance to sleep
how could I sleep?
if I have never had the chance to stop
how could I stop?
if I have never had the chance to run
how could I run?
if I have never had the chance to stand
how could I stand?
if I have never had the chance to fall
how could I fall?
if have never had the chance to fly
how could I even fly?
if i have never had the chance to dream

 

Jan 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Words of Apology


I Love Thee
Also,
I love somebody else
And aside from her,
I want no one else

I’m sorry,
It had to be this way
But I just couldn’t let my love to her
sway

In the midst of the beauty
Of the 2002 play
Thee looked at me happily
When I say:
“Treasuring thee
I may”

But now everything has been locked
When all lines of blood
Has been blocked
With clot

And although for her it’s not
Her blood
Is my blood
I’ve tied it with a solid knot

I’m just sorry that
In here with us
Thee just can not

Cindy “Zee”
Jan 24, 2011

A Glimpse of Her


This semester
She was feeling not at all better
In fact, she was feeling like the water
but with some splinter

Just like the water
vapor
if you ignored her
quiver
if you disturbed her

enclose
she would stay away from any pose
and just a wink
then she would violently kink

Her head seemed to be bigger
but her brain was actually smaller
her heart shrank
but the pain marched
like a battle of gang

At some point she wanted to quit
to see the horizon and where the sun split
but then she know
whether or not she flow
guilt will always undergo

 

Dec 2, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

The Ship


There was this one ship
And they picked me to be the navigator
and although I didn’t have the whip
I knew I would figure out what to do later

The ship sailed
With beauty it was hailed
The passengers danced salute bows
As if there was nothing to worry about

In the middle of the sea
Storms came angrily
The passengers wailed
The crew were running scared
The captain fled and prayed
Nobody cares whether I stayed

The lifeboats were released
Everyone started to leave
And here I stand
alone with my land

And even though I know
where to go
But I don’t know
What to do with the dynamo
Because I am not the Head Honcho

 

Dec 1, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

The Queen


Bossy
and nosy
she is always noisy
as if everybody is her accessory

In the crowd
she pretends to be the “God”
enjoying the adoration
that she could never be able to live without

At the top,
As those people think she’s the “God”
behind the mirror
there’s only horror

Poker face
That is the very best thing in her base
spreading the fake smile
which only lasts for a while

And deep down in her wood
the only she cares about
is her own route
and food

 

Nov 29, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

The Sister


Cute and smart
almost perfect in all part
when you see her from the start
it’s as if you’re playing dart

gorgeous and warm
she was the queen of the farm
where everyone seems to be in her arm
dancing in her palm

strong and delicate
she tries hard to beat the pain
that he made her gain
that everyone seems failed
to understand

Meeting her is a fate
and it’s now too late
for me to hate
cause for me, she’s far more than just a mate

 

Nov 29, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

Dedicated to one of my “sorority” sisters: K.I.M
Luv u forever, Sis.. 😀

A Night in the Twin of Utopia


I see stars
twinkling behind bars
singing the hymn
of my theme

While the hound
is still tied down
because the crown
is in the Queen’s ground

I’d love to see them free
but they just can’t let me see
’cause if it ain’t for me
they would have got the key

I am so sorry
for giving you the misery
that mine, it is all supposed to be

 

Nov 27, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

The Witch


Eyes
Even colder than ice
Even though her mind
Seems to be so blind

Gesture
Not even close to nature
But she feels so sure
That she’s gorgeous even more

Her feeling
She claims I was stealing
The guy she was loving
Which in fact a kind of my sibling

At last, for she in the community
Suffers me is a kind of witty
Although I’m already not good enough
Seems for her that it isn’t at all rough

 

Nov 27, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

A Poem of a Day


Morning
when your eyes are twinkling
and the birds are singing
and the Sun is shining
but the mood is whining

Afternoon
When what you miss is the Moon
hope she would come soon
and it makes you feel like a loon
no more stupider than a baboon

Evening
When your mother’s saying
“Go studying!”
And instead, you’re gaming
and your sisters’re giggling

Night
When everything seems to be so right
As if there is no height
that makes you terrified

 

Nov 27, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

A Prayer of the Hypocrite


My Dear Lord,
thank You for the new life
that you have
approved for me to have

Thank You,
for a beautiful new wife
and children
who make me feel more driven

O Dear Lord, please
as for my old life
let them stay where they are
alive
in their own hive

Let my past
be my lecture
and my future
be a blast

Now, I promise You
aid will be given
for those whose past
hasn’t been enlightened

To have them leave their past
as memorable as dust
And let their coming time
shines in sublime

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

With another special credit for my teacher for the last word..
Erio R.P. FanggidaE
😀

Mirrors [special credit to Erio R.P. FanggidaE]


An image
oneself alike
in the village
we ride a bike

Together
We look alike
Beyond, however
It was mostly a pike

Whole-ly
There is no lonely
Laughing and happy
Life seems so easy

Deeply
There’s no guarantee
That the happy
is truly

Apart
It might feel hard
As if there’s no art
when we talk about “heart”

Scars are created
Each other is naked
The pain is crucifying
As if we are dying

But as we survive
Those mirrors are still alive
As we dive
Into the ocean of life..

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

A very special credit for one of my beloved teachers.
My Master of Literature,

Erio Rahadian Pamungkas FanggidaE

For the inspiration about Friends and Mirror.
And for being such a wonderful teacher.

😀

Love, Life, Luck


Three sisters,
Love, Life, Luck
feel that their existence
suck

Love say,
“I will make people play,”
Luck laugh,
“That just sounds like a cough,”
Life speak,
“You are both freak!”
And so the sisters part ways,

Love stays,
with her pink wings
she makes people swing
and wink

Life travels,
on a very long journey
she finds herself
happy

But Luck bored,
she doesn’t even like sport
so she fold
and vanish
in cold

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

A Cute Cow


One cute cow
eating the grass
but then she knows
the grass is not for her class

the cow goes away
from the grass
with sway
she say,
“Oh grass,
how I desire to have your crust,”

The cow walks
with big trust
but, again, she knows
staying there
is a must

So there she go
even though she know
that even crusts of the grass
is not for her class

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

Timid, Vivid, Ingrid


Alone
in the dark

Silence
in the emptiness

Fear
of the light

Afraid
of oneself

Scared
of the crowd

Frustrated
in this life

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

Special credit for:

Indrajaya Sartono

for a very nice and thoughtful title…

😀

Mellow Morning


If only you can see
these tears
that slowly turn into
blood

If only you can hear
the scream
that rips my heart
apart

If only you can feel
the shame
that buries me
in the dark

And while it is
‘if only’
I’d rather you not..

 

Nov 26, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

Today’s Lesson for Cindy or Zee (part 2)


If only everything was opposites
I would be the sun and thee would be the earth
I would shine so bright that thou eyes would hurt
I would perish so that thee would desperate to find me
I would then appear again so that
Thee would know
Thee would feel
Thee would see
These feelings of desertion
…from thee.

 

Nov 25, 2010
After one session of d*b*t* practice.
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

🙂

Today’s Lesson for Cindy or Zee


Cindy
Speaks
Suck-fully

 

Nov 25, 2010
After one session of d*b*t* practice.
Angela Cindy Alvionita

…or Zee.

The First Experience


I was attending a seminar this afternoon and guess what?

I was able to create a poem..

You see…
A POEM! P-O-E-M!!
For these 20 years of living, I had never even been able to imagine that I would create a PROPER poem and look! I JUST DID!!

So, guys… I really learn something today that I really want to share to you.

If you want to learn something, start from the simplest thing! Do not just leap to the advance mode.

I just experienced that and see my growth:

 

Lv. 1 – Hello-goodbye poem

Hello reading
Goodbye stupidity

Hello colorful
Goodbye dullness

Hello divorce
Goodbye happiness

 

Lv. 2

I wish I was a cow
I wish I like green things
I wish I could eat any kinds of leaf
Ahh… only if…

 

Lv. 3 Poem of Senses

When I think of a rose
I can see the bloody red of its color
I can smell the sensuality of women
I can feel the sharpness of its thorn
Rose, the beauty of danger…

 

Lv. 4

If everything was opposite
Families would be strangers
But enemies would be friends

If everything was opposite
Children would be the parents
And parents would not be the rulers

 

Lv. 5 – acrostic

Lame
Irritating
Frustrating
Emotional-sucker
that’s Life

Bold
Energetic
Angelic
Understanding
Talented
You

 

Lv. 6

Marriage is a knife
It protects you instantly
It kills you slowly

 

So,

Let’s just try first, People! 😀

 

Nov 24, 2010
A hectic moment after 1st day of International Seminar
and gotta shower after this!
and go back there
Zee ya!! 😀

A VEERY special thanks to

Prof. Jayakaran Mukundan

for teaching me how great writing a poem is…

Thanks a lot, Prof! 😀

A Stupid Dream


I dream of a world where everybody can say ‘hai’
without hesitating whether one is a friend
or a foe

I dream of a world where people kiss each other
in the beauty of colors

I dream of a world where people
can speak and listen without worrying
of being mute and deaf

I dream of a world where everyone
can fly to ultimate directions

I dream of a world where ‘peace’ is not just
a trivial thing to laugh at..

I dream of a world where unity and solitude
are travelling to horizon..

…together.

I dream of a world.

Stupid dream.

 

Nov 22, 2010
in a strange mood,
Angela Cindy Alvionita

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