A Secret Treasure

There is always a friend who you might consider as just a small part of your life.

Yet, what you don’t know is,
for that small-part-of-life friend,

You might mean everything to him/her.

And the first person who pops up in your mind right now, might be that particular friend.

So? What are you gonna do?

View on Path

A New (Hopefully) Hope

A New Hope..
A hopeful hope
On a thin rope
where people mope

So hopefully
It is a hope




Once Indonesian’s presidential candidates were decided, there were only two options for me to choose: to vote or NOT to vote.

If I decided to vote, then for me there had been no other choice than pair #2, because pair #1 was just NOT an option. Why? Simple. Many, and ALMOST ALL people who joined the group were and STILL ARE criminals who have stolen and robbed this country from many aspects: human rights, thieves, nature criminals, etc.

But that does not make pair #2 the best choice either. I don’t mind Jokowi, but JK is a threat for the minority and I couldn’t get myself to vote for such a person.

Then, I changed my decision. As Mas Anies Baswedan said, Golput was indeed a rebellious movement, but now it simply means being ignorant.

And because Mas Anies Baswedan was brave and decisive enough for rooting for the pair, so I had to do the right thing for him.

Indonesia’s current education system is just wrong, and he is the only one who can do something about it.

Do I trust pair #2? NO. BIG NO.
But at least choosing them means saving my country from a pack of predators.

*btw, its FOR the right side (or with, or by), NOT on.


A Short Encounter with an Acute Spotlight Addict

April 2013 was the beginning of my encounter with this creature (“creature” because it’s just too disgusting to even consider it as a person). I was quite thankful to it when it hired me at the time, because I was truly looking forward to working at the institution. That creature seemed like an ordinary person, with some indications that reminded me of some of my lecturers (I am SO sorry that I had even thought that way! 😥 ), but apparently those indications were actually symptoms of its illness.

My first week was full of indoctrination from that creature. It tried to drag me to its side so I could be its “person”. Thank God, I believed my instinct that there was something wrong with that creature. I didn’t know what was it at the time, but now I understand. Anyway, I remember the first time I realized that it was a freakish creature was the time when I (kind of) dressed up (a bit), with a bit of make up here and there, and I took off my glasses, replacing them with contacts. That time, the creature stared at me with a disgusting look (the look of an otaku when he stares at kawaii sexy girls).

It REALLY crept me out! The stare gave a chill on my neck and all my female defense instincts were on and told me to just run.

Okay I was being totally imaginative, but I seriously did frightened by the stare.

And what crept me out even more was that before I decided to kind of dress up a little bit, the creature REQUIRED me as the boss to do so. The creature said that as the Public Relations officials, I have to groom well and look well.

Yea, right. Look what happened when I did.

I discussed this with my co-worker and that was when my co-worker surprised me with the fact that apparently the creature had “a thing with oriental women”, especially the ones that look a little bit attractive.


If that’s the case, I had to be really prepared and stay the hell away from that creature. Or else, there would be a time when I had to sue it for sexual harassment.


Even the thought of that made me wanted to hurl.

Anyway, that was just a start. Or at least that was when I decided to stay away from it personally. Professionally, well, up to that point, I had always managed to separate my personal/professional business with people that I worked with. I had really hoped that I had to do so too with the creature.

But I failed. Big time.

Not because I was not able to separate the personal/professional cases.

Because it was just impossible to be separated.

Personally, the creature was a freak. Now, professionally…nothing.

I mean, seriously nothing.

It didn’t even know anything regarding the position it held. Everything it did was based on “looking up on google”. One time it told me to make a press release for the graduation ceremony, and when I asked for an example made the previous year, it didn’t even know. So it told me to find an example on google.

Yea, right.

It didn’t even knew how to tag a name in Facebook without inserting the “@” symbol. Yet, on the creature’s twitter and Facebook, it claimed to be a “social media specialist”.


Okay, When you’re a “specialist” when all you know was how to tweet and post, then Matk Zuckerberg is God.

Several months passed, and I started to realize that the creature was not as good as it had claimed to be. All it knew was only management theories from books (of course! you can just take it from any book and memorize it!), with ZERO ability and ZILCH capability. It once claimed that it was a leader that depended on the subordinates.

By claiming to be one, it only proved that it knew NOTHING about leadership.

You want proof? Once it forced its subordinates to work late at night with it because the deadline was the day after, and all it did was criticize and made us worked even slower. There were 2 great graphic designers on my team, whose designs were awesome! Yet, when they were doing their job, it kept disturbing them, criticizing them, asking them to change the design according to its extremely terrible taste.

You cannot imagine how embarrassed I was when someone came to me after the magazine was published and said that the cover was weird. So I said to the person, “Tell that to that freak.” Don’t worry, that person knew what I meant when I said that.

The other time, because it knew nothing about its job, it asked me and my colleague (A) what the most appropriate position for A was. I said that because he was responsible for every little thing in the creation process of the magazine, and he managed everything in it, and he was also responsible for the design and the designers, he was supposed to be the Editor in Chief. And because the creature was only supervising and did not take part AT ALL with ANY PROCESS of that magazine, it would be the supervisor.

We agreed.

Let me repeat. We AGREED. All of us.

Then it came to us one day and said, “Because I have a personal business with this magazine, so I’m still gonna be the Editor in Chief. This magazine holds 10 points for my academic position (that affects the salary, of course), so you (A) are gonna be the Managing Editor. Don’t worry. If everything goes well, I’ll treat you guys anything you want to eat.”

Hahaha, Go to hell. Just eat your own crap and let us watch

So, you’re wondering why such a freak creature managed to be the head of Public Relations?

Well, I’d say…if we could say that it was good at one thing, it would be….KISSING ASSES.

It was just kissing the right ass. That’s why it managed to be in that position. It was so good at kissing that particular ass, that I believed it was willing to even lick and clean the asshole to the inside.


Now, what’s the correlations with “an acute spotlight addict”? Okay, let me tell you a story.

There was once a boy who was nothing. He liked to be the center of attention, but unfortunately, nobody even knew his existence. He was so desperate for that attention that nobody even cared about, that one day he created multiple Facebook account with different names, and connected them so they’re relating with each other and commenting each other;s posts, especially his. To make it more realistic, he connected two of them as a couple.

Now, because he was studying at the same institution he was working (until now), and he was a part of the early generations, there were not many students at the time, and he was a part of the institution’s program, so at some point, finally somebody noticed him. He was then working under his wing. After that, maybe because his boss was a lecturer, or maybe because he adored him so very much (I dunno how) he then realized that the attention he once so desired would be his if he could have that one particular position: a Lecturer.

And so he did.

That boy became a lecturer who is crazy for credits and honor, that he finally became “the creature”.

And it insulted me, big time, that a creature like that was acknowledged to be a lecturer just because it had a Master tittle, and it was kissing the right ass. It was a lecturer’s job to prevent the students from getting anywhere near the sin called plagiarism, while it was doing it at the same time, It claimed the position that was not its, while doing nothing to support it. Worse, it used the ideas (that were mostly proposed by me) for the institution’s magazine, for its personal own project for a bigger company, claiming that it was its idea.


Its thirst for acknowledgement was so huge that after it claimed someone else’s position, and after ALL OF US agreed that we would not insert any picture of the team on the magazine, it stealthily insisted and told the photographer to insert its picture on the first page.

The reason? Because of the so-called “personal business” and because Go Girl did that.

Go Girl! yea that one. The fashion magazine. The one that it referred to, every time my team were working for our educational magazine.

I really had to get away from that sickening environment. So I told the bigger boss that it was either I moved to the other department, or I resigned.

Unfortunately, they had the conversation about this at their house personally, and I was so disappointed because it was so unprofessional. The bigger boss asked the creature to solve the problem itself, and with no further ado, it called me and at the end of the debate, it gave me Warning Letter 1, with a CC to the HRD and my bigger boss.

It didn’t even know that only HRD had the right to make an official warning letter.

Finally, my time with that sickening creature is over and I am very, VERY grateful.

Never EVER depend your fate to others because we don’t know what happens tomorrow. Life is like a roller coaster, they said. So when we’re depending our fate to someone else’s, when that person’s roller coaster breaks, we’ll get dragged to the ground.

Lesson learned.

Cindy “Zee” Alvionita
March 14, 2014

The Reason I Consider Jokowi is not yet Ready to be a President

The Governor of DKI Jakarta, Joko Widodo (Jokowi) is lately mentioned to be one of the candidates for the Presidential Election 2014.There are so many indications emerged these days that the Indonesian Democracy Party – Struggle (PDI-P) is considering Jokowi to be their presidential candidate.

Well, I’m not gonna lie. If they do, there’s a chance that I might vote for him.

IF he really becomes a presidential candidate, and no other candidates is worthy enough to get the votes.

I am very impressed by the Jokowi – Ahok duet, that becomes a pioneer in taking so many problems in (Indonesia that is concentrated in..)Jakarta seriously. They’re taking them seriously and they’re handling them seriously. (Unlike someone who can only take them seriously, and claiming that he’s taking them seriously, but shows NOTHING in action.) Jokowi and Ahok have been in duty for only a year and they managed to show significance progress in repairing Indonesia’s capital city.

But then again, how big is the power of a couple? I mean, seriously if you take a look at how it is going on in Jakarta, you’ll find out that, even though they know how tough and strict their bosses are, Jakarta’s civilians, especially the civil servants,  still behave like dirty uncivilized people. And frankly, until the time I am writing this post, Jokowi-Ahok still can’t control their uncivilized underlings.

THAT is for Jakarta ONLY.

“It’s only been a year! How do you expect someone to heal Jakarta that fast?”

Exactly! You can’t. That’s why they have to be there in full term: 5 years.

And FYI, it’s not heal. It’s revive.

Jakarta is not like a broken bone that will heal with time. For me, Jakarta (and Indonesia in general) is like a tomato garden, filled with rotten tomatoes.

And how do you expect to heal rotten tomatoes?

You don’t.

You find the pest, exterminate the pest, cut the rotten tomatoes, and throw it away.

But they have not yet had the heart to do that.

That is why for me, if they can’t do so for Jakarta. They have not yet had the ability and the capability to handle the big fat rotten tomatoes that are filling this country.

Not yet.

And I would rather wait for those ability and capability to level up and up and up, until they’re strong enough to kick those rotten asses of the legislative members (or any rotten tomatoes).

Let’s take an example. When you’re working in a company and you show great progress as a supervisor, you will get a promotion to sit on the Manager’s chair. Now, it does take some time to see whether you are capable enough to handle your current position, and whether you can show more progress and achievement, before you get another promotion as the CEO.

Megawati herself said,

“My father was a leader first before he became the president, and being a true leader takes time.”

So no. I don’t think that this election is the right time for him to be our president.

There’s also the vow he had taken when he was inaugurated as the governor. 5 years. Breaking the vow and resigning from the position before the end of his term only feels like he’s doing things half-heartedly.

People might argue that by far, he’s the best candidate that we have. It’s better to have half-skilled leader than a no-skilled at all.

I don’t think so. There are some other candidates who are as good as he is. He just has all those cameras pointing at him right now, that’s why he seems to be the only option left. Look harder. Google some names and you’ll find some other candidates who are as worthy as he is: Anies Baswedan (I LOVE this guy), Mahfud MD, Dahlan Iskan, etc.

Find the names, and research their backgrounds and track records before you decide who to vote. Do NOT just pick someone because they SEEM popular or because they’re the only ones you know, or because you’ve seen them a lot on TV. Look up their names on the internet and find their white/black records. That way we will have a proper presidential election.

But then again, IF in the end the party choose to have him as their candidate, and those other great people were not on the election paper. I will have no choice but to vote for him.

Happy presidential election 2014. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Election and Vote 2014

2014 is the year of politics.

The statement itself explains how truly important (or exaggerating??) Indonesians think of our national election.

Me? I’m starting to doubt whether I’m gonna vote or not since the only candidate that I know worthy enough for THIS election is hopeless.

There is another one though that people really think that he’s worthy enough to be our next President (well, at least he’s waaaay better than the current president.) but the thing is that I don’t think that the current election is the right time.

He’s good. He is, no doubt at all really good at making changes here and there. But he was just elected to hold a higher position last year and we don’t know yet whether he’s gonna make it or not.

I mean, if you can change Jakarta, where all the rotten tomatoes gather, then you really can change Indonesia.

If you can only SURVIVE Jakarta, well..that’s not really impressive since so many people do it anyway, isn’t it?

I’m just very concerned. I believe that many people here suffer the same perplexity as I do.

The election is just in few days, and we still don’t know who to vote.

Sang Dokter “Gila”

“Kalo kamu jadi dokter, jangan memeras orang kecil. Mereka akan bayar kamu, tapi mereka menangis di rumah karena mereka tdk punya uang untuk beli beras!” – dr. Lie Dharmawan

View on Path

You’re Never Alone

you think you’re just a nobody
trapped in a world of nothing
with no one to go to
and nothing to hold on to

you think you’re just a smoke
passing through the air
knowing that you
bring people pain
only to disappear

but you don’t realize that you
are the best thing that ever happen to me
you’re a hero, a precious gift to me
you changed my life
you turned my world upside down
and I have never ever felt
more alive

So remember,
that you are never,


May 30, 2013
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Golden Boy

he thinks he’s such a genius
with a brain bigger than of Einstein
that fails he realize he’s just a wuss
humoring himself that he’s on the same level as Einstein

so high he thinks of his deed
as he doesn’t realize
that he’s just his parents’ reed
for him to feed

he thinks he knows everything
when all he’s doing
is planting his own thinking.
though none of it seems working

he thinks he’s a star
born with a silver spoon.
in fact, he’s nothing
but a goon

poor golden boy,
living in his own world,
which is actually just
a toy


May 30, 2013
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04 Inspired Hairstyle

Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04 Inspired Hairstyle

Elena Gilbert Vampire Diaries S04 Inspired Hairstyle


The true STAR w…

The true STAR will always shine the brightest with its soothing, adorable, and endless light. As for the others, the fail ones (as I usually call “the spotlight addict”) will fade eventually. Well, you know, because STAR is read backward: RATS.

 inspired by mas Cecep’s poem. May he rests in peace. 🙂


The Spotlight Addict

you think you are the best
among the rest
the fact is you’re vain
with all your skills of being plain

you think you have what it takes
to be a star
when actually by far,
you’re no better than
everyone’s scar

desperately you seek
for the audience
unrealizing you stink
of foul ambiance

busy you seem
with works of nothing
and all the meaningless gleam
self-created, and still
fail to blink

May 30, 2013
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Othello Situation

Pieces of Othello

Do you know the Othello game board?

Yea, it’s the game where you play with little round pieces with two sides each: white and black.

Now what I mean by an Othello situation here: take an Othello piece and place it in front of you, the white side to you and the black side to the world. You will only be able to see the white side, and if there’s a person in front of you, s/he will only see the black side.

Now, which one is right?

The answer is both.

The point is you just can’t see the black and that other person can’t see the white, but both white and black exist.

That is what I call an “Othello Situation”. There are so many perspectives that people see on a single case and every one of them is right, depending on the reason and situation. We might not understand why they see the case their way, and they won’t understand why we see the same case our way either, and we DO NOT have to understand. We also don’t have to agree with each other either.

The only thing that we MUST do, though, is to acknowledge that the other perspective exist, that we are not the only ones who have perspectives, and that our perspectives are only a part of a whole bigger perspectives.

Agree to disagree. But also appreciate others’ perspectives.

Now, you might be wondering why suddenly I am writing this kind of topic. It’s just that, we are living in a very complicated world, where there are so many complicated issues. It just seems ridiculous to me that there are so many people trying so hard to fix things only by theory. Instead of doing the real thing, they’re trying to fix those issues by competing with each other to find as many supporters as they can so that people would think highly of their cause. The first thing that they do is to win people, then to manipulate those people into acting FOR them. Now, when the cause succeed, they will be the ones remembered, not the actual doer.

Now, what’s the connection with the “Othello Situation”?

It usually happens in the process of “recruiting followers”. They’re persuading people even manipulating them into believing in their cause. It might be just fine when they succeed. Those people will follow them and they will live happily ever after. The end.

The problem is sometimes, they just don’t.

People CANNOT always agree with us, and when that happens, we have to follow the Othello Situation. Not only to agree to disagree, but also although we disagree with them, we have to acknowledge their perspectives. That way, nobody will hurt or be hurt. There will be no conflicts that are extended into violence or even war. It’s that simple.

When people don’t agree with you, just leave them alone.

There’s this ridiculous example…

…well, in my opinion yes, it’s ridiculous…

…that there’s some kind of an implicit war in my country between some certain religious groups, and for me that is just completely absurd.

I mean, seriously. We’re talking about faith here. Some people believe in something, some others believe in other things, and the rest just don’t believe anything. What’s wrong with that? It’s a human right to believe or not to believe in anything. And who are we to judge them?

Religions and faith are things that embedded beyond a person’s privacy and that is not something we can poke around without the person’s permission. So, when you’re trying to make people believe in something that they don’t want to believe, yes it’s offending. That’s why they become defensive, and when they feel that they’ve been cornered, they’ll fight back. That’s natural.

As a human being, we are free to choose. Therefore, we have to appreciate this freedom by appreciating people’s choice.

Only then, harmony will not only be a utopia.


March 4, 2013

Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Castle


there once stood a castle in a meadow
surrounding creatures of shallow
protecting its people from deep mellow
so no one would sink to the shadow

so tall the castle stand
with its power so grand
protecting people in the land
teaching them to help each others’ hand

then the darkness comeDark_Castle_by_pawlack
consuming the people’s heart
offering delicious rum
presenting expensive art

so, so soon they leave
and now the castle remains in grieve



December 19, 2012
Cindy Zee Alvionita

What I’ve Been Doing…and Now Resigning

Here’s another post about what’s been missing during my absent from this blog.

I’m gonna make a confession. Yes, I had been ignoring the poet inside me because I haven’t got any inspiration at all.

Oh well, I guess that’s just an excuse.



It’s just that I found this thing that was so enchanting that made me so addicted to it, and if it’s not because I’ve lost my partner to oh-I’m-not-really-sure-what, I might still be doing it right now.

Oh, I haven’t really got into it, huh? Sorry.

It’s Dancesport,images guys. And for you who haven’t really heard about it, basically it’s competitive Ballroom and Latin American dances: waltz, tango, quickstep, slow fox, Viennese waltz, cha-cha-cha, rumba, samba, jive, and paso doble.

Ah, if you watch Dancing with the Stars, that’s what I’m talking about.

I join this association called IODI or the IndoIMG_8997nesian National Dancesport Association in my town, Salatiga. It’s not so big but it’s a very nice place to start your training. I met the athletes and basically they’re the ones who trained me.

IIMG_9004‘ve been training for almost a year now, and thanks to dancesport I’ve been traveling to many places with the people I love so much. We’ve done shows and join into competitions and had so much fun together.

It’s been almost a year now and due to my graduation last two months and my partner who’s now busy with…things. Sadly I have to say that I’m kind of unofficially resigning. 😦

But I don’t really regret it. I know that I will eventually anyway, so I’ll just think of this as an early retirement. I don’t regret it.

I’ve learned so many things and I’ve had so much fun. It was an opportunity and experience that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

December 19, 2012

Cindy Alvionita Hartono

Hello Again!

I believe it has been a while since I last wrote on this blog and I assure you it was NOT because I procrastinated.

Oh well, not entirely.

And now that I realized that it’s almost Christmas (again) and the year 2012 is ready for 2013 to kick its ass (sorry, 2012), I guess I need to start writing again.

There were so many things happened during the year 2012 from my very last poem, (not the essay) until now. First, I’ve found someone. Second, and the most important is that I have finally become a graduate student. Yes! Finally I graduated from English Department Satya Wacana Christian University. And even more, I was the best graduate in my faculty for the October 2012 period. Well yeah, it’s not everything but at least it’s something, right?

Now, I do feel proud with my GPA and I do feel grateful about it. However, as time went by and I experienced the world “outside”, I realized that grade does NOT guarantee us anything. It doesn’t really guarantee that we’ll get our dream job and our dream salary. And it doesn’t as hell guarantee that we’ll have our dream life.

It doesn’t mean that I regret it though, fighting that hard to get the GPA. At least now that I get “here”, I can finally understand that nothing is ever guaranteed. The only thing that is guaranteed, is you and yourself. If I was able to get a lesson, it would be that WE CAN DO ANYTHING.

Maybe there are some of you experiencing similar situation to me right now. Getting a job is easy, but getting a job that we desire is one hell of a journey. Yet, it is possible. As I told before, we can do anything. Anything is possible. And this is not just some kind of bullshit that some person with a huge amount of luck likes to share, this is true.

I had just finished watching this movie called “The Secret” and I m planning to read the book later.

The_Secret_LogoJPGThe first time I heard about the book, it was from my uncle. Yes, I knew that it was a good book, but at the time I was too reluctant to read something so…lecturing. And it was almost around 5 years later, which was around a month ago, my precious lover (aaww… ;)) told me to watch the movie. Well, I’m actually more of a book than a movie person, but since books are quite expensive nowadays and my e-book reader is kind of temporarily broken, I have to drug myself with MANY movies to distract me from being so bored.

Aaaaanyway, back to the topic, after visiting him, I got really, REALLY depressed because I had to be far away from him again. That was when I remembered that movie that he had copied for me. I turned on my laptop and started to watch the movie, and then I was like…omg, that’s why my life felt like some kind of disaster.

The Secret told me (or us) that there are so many laws in the universe. We learned about these laws in science: law of gravity, law of electricity, and whatsoever. And there’s this law that is called the “Law of Attraction” that works on people’s thought. Basically it tells you that whatever you think about, you bring about. Or the power of the minds. Or the power of positive thinking. Or something like that.

It really got me thinking. all my life I had  filled my mind with such negative thoughts and emotions, that’s why I was rarely able to get what I had always wanted. Because by thinking those negative thoughts, I attracted more of it. I thought that my life was really hard and difficult. I told myself that I don’t have any friend. And so be it. I mean, it’s true that whatever you’re thinking, you yourself will respond to it. So whenever you’re thinking that you’re no good, your mind will respond and think that you’re no good and it will go over and over along with that negative thought in your head.

That’s why it was such a blessing to finally understand The Secret, and I had my precious boyfriend to thank for this.

And I’m telling you, yes it is very difficult to change my state of mind due to my old nature, which kept me to “hope for the best, but expect the worst”. But as what The Secret has said, everything is possible.

Therefore, I’m gonna start this resolution by telling myself that I am so happy and grateful right now that I have him as my boyfriend, and I have changed my perspective to be on the positive side. Just as what Christian D Larson has said:

“I promise myself to think of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.”

Keep up the spirit, my friends! I know I am. 😀

December 19, 2012
Cindy Alvionita Hartono


Easter had just passed and while some of us still enjoyed the euphoria, apparently some high school students had to miss the remnants of the glorious Easter and sank themselves into piles of books and papers as their preparations for a war against the government, or themselves, which we usually called the National Exam war. While their preparation was still going on, some whispers were spread around our country of Indonesia that there was a possibility that the war was going to be cancelled, even worse, would be abolished forever. Is it true? Well, nobody knows yet. However, it is clear that people started to act seriously about this National Exam debate. Should it be abolished? No. Even so, the National Exam method that government uses at the present time is not efficient at all. That is why a change is needed for the method of National Exam.

The first and the most obvious reason is that the National Exam has been a very unfair competition. The government might say that the standard and the questions were applied “equally” all around Indonesia, that they had provided 3 levels of questions: “A” for the advanced schools, “B” for the average schools, and “C” for the under-averaged schools. Previously they also said that the purpose of the national exam was to measure the student’s ability and to develop the education in Indonesia. However, those levels show that actually every student in Indonesia did not receive the same level of education. Besides, the abilities and capabilities of students in each school are different. We cannot expect students who are studying in a school in villages or some remote areas to have the same abilities as those who are studying in high-quality-expensive school such as Kolose Loyola Semarang or BPK Penabur Jakarta. Even more, let us say that they really provided the levels for the questions. We still cannot expect all students in each school in the same category to have the same level of abilities. That is absurd. Moreover, the difference still lies in the school itself. We cannot expect all schools to have the same facilities and access to support the students in their study of preparing the National Exam. Some schools may provide high-quality access of Internet, first-class books in their perfect libraries, and marvelous laboratories for them to have some practices. Still, not all of our schools in Indonesia can do that and how the government was supposed to expect them to have an equal competition? Besides the school facilities and the students, let us not forget the most important part of students’ learning process: the teachers. Because of KTSP, which demands the teachers to be more creative in each material and develop those materials by themselves, what the teacher taught is different for every school, so it cannot be generalized as the same thing. Again, this is a matter of personalities and creativities of those teachers. As they have their own thoughts and ways of teaching their students, we cannot expect each teacher to give the students the exactly same materials as well as develop those materials and be creative at the same time. It is just the same as telling them to dance freely with their hands and feet tied on strings. Furthermore, let us once again assume that those levels existed. Did the government mention the criteria of each level? No. Did they provide the information about the materials or things that would be included in each level? No. Did the school even know what level they belong? What level of question would they accept? Again, the answer is no. From those evidences above, we can say that there is no equal thing at all in the present method of National Exam.

Some people who are against the abolishment of the National Exam might say that without national exam, the government would not be able to measure and develop Indonesian students’ abilities. Well, maybe it is true. For several years, National Exam has become the only way of measuring the students’ abilities and hooking their enthusiasm. However, with the present method, those original goals will not be achieved. Why is that? First, think about those students who managed to pass the National Exam. Can you guarantee that they really, really pass the exam by their own abilities? I would again say no. That is because the more difficult the questions and the higher the standard, students will not just remain silent and follow the rules. They, or even their parents, will do anything to pass the national exam. They will cheat, find leaked out national exam questions, and will even pay the teacher to make them pass the exam and graduate. Is that real? Yes. The record shows that in certain schools in Papua, because they feel that certain discrimination happened, the parents paid the teachers to make their children passed the national exam and graduated, and amazingly, the teacher accepted it. While the result would not be purely their abilities, students also become reluctant in studying subjects that are not examined. Several facts said that high school students, especially when National Exam was coming, decided to neglect studying subjects such as Pend. Kewarganegaran, History, T.I.K, and Religion, etc, by saying that “those subjects would not be examined” as the excuse. The student’s orientation is not again in the skills and ability but in the grade and the graduation. The more difficult the exam, they or their parents will do anything to make them pass the exam, so that they will not be ashamed. Therefore, in brief, the National Exam causes the students’ orientations about going to school deviated.

The last but the most important reason why the method of national exam must be changed is because the grade standard that government applied was irrational. This year, the high school students were allowed to graduate if their average national exam score was 5.50 or above for six subjects. If they have scores below 5.50, it will be allowed for 2 subjects with 4.0 minimum. That was ridiculous. Because of that standard, there are students who did not pass the national exam only because of one subject. In SMAN 68 Salemba, Jakarta Pusat for example, they have two students who did not pass the national exam only because of one subject. One of them is Pras, who is known as a very brilliant student, got his Math score: 9.75 and Chemistry score: 9.50. However, only because his Biology score was below 4.0, he did not pass the exam. The same thing happened to Rahmi Sofiyati. She failed because of only one subject. That was very unfortunate because if those students passed the national exam, there was a possibility that they can be someone special in the real world. Fact says that no way students can master all whole subjects. Some of them may be great at math or counting, but not quite good in memorizing. Some of them are the opposite. So, we cannot force the students to master all of them. It could be both ineffective and inhumane: ineffective because those things would not fully succeed and inhumane because by doing that they are forcing the students to be a superhuman that can do all things, which they already know that it is impossible but they still do it anyway, and that is against the human right to choose things based on their abilities.

Several moments after the announcement of national exam the National Education Minister Muhammad Nuh proudly said, “Around 3.6 million junior high students had sat the exams and 3.2 million or 90.27 percent of them passed,” without concerning that his sentence means almost 400.000 other students did not pass the exam. Moreover, the fact shows that among those 400.000 students, almost 10,000 students were from the 561 schools that saw no students pass at all. That was not a small number because it was only for the Junior High School students. The graduation percentage this year decreased from 95.09 (last year) to 90.27 percent for Junior High School and one of the reasons was because the government increased the grade standard, and if they keep increasing the standard, those numbers will be definitely flipped. The large number becomes the ones who do not pass, the small number become the ones who do. Does the government really expect that? Because it seems that although MA already released a demand for abolishment of National Exam from TEKUN (Tim Advokasi Korban UN) and EF (Education Forum), the government keeps standing still and even said that those students who did not pass the exam (yet) will have the chance to repeat. If they pass, it will be considered the same. In fact, those remedial exam certificates were only as the same level as “Ujian Paket C” not the high school.

After considering those reasons above, we can say that indeed, national exam cannot be abolished but the method must really be changed because it has been an unfair competition, the students’ orientations has been deviated because of it, and the grade standard set is unreasonable. If the government remains silent and does nothing but keep maintain the way it is, the education in Indonesia will not become better. Instead, in the future, we will find a lot more unskilled and uneducated graduate students.


Taken from my Argumentative Writing Essay: 28 May 2010


Where do you find true love?
At home?
At school?
At work?


Where do you find true love?
In the middle of the park,
where you usually scoff
at couples kissing in the dark?


Where do you find true love?
At the bottom of the ocean?
Beyond the sky?
On top of the mountain?


Where exactly do you find true love?


February 4, 2012
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

a door

ahead exists one door of mystery
as mysterious as it scares the hell out of me
everytime I look, it changes color
as if it tries to get me off of the dance floor

the door whisper
“come closer,
see it for yourself
whether things are gonna be better”

but I don’t
’cause yet I’ve known
whether that door is truly real
or will another cover be blown

well, I guess I’ll find it on my own
that’s something that I’ve sworn

Feb 2, 2012
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

a reminder

a sailor
travels around the world
to see what it feels
to be as free as a bird

through the ocean she sail
hoping to get even farther away from her jail
until at last she find
this one land that blows her mind

she gets along with the people
looks extremely happy from different angle
that she forgets the reason
why she left her prison

so then she gets reminded
and all the illusions ended

’cause becoming a sailor was to her, a patch
that she’d never let her heart trapped again to some attach

January 15, 2012
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Last Message

It hurts so much
when the thing I most cherish
I have to stop to touch

It’s an unbearable pain
when my existence for it
will only bring rain

So now that I must let go
doesn’t mean that I run
or so

Because it’s best for me to know
that even without me on the flow
you’re gonna be A LOT more than just a ‘so-so’

Because I believe in all of you sincerely
that everything you do will and only be


October 8, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

I’m Sorry

I am so sorry

if my words
bring only for you, hurts

I am so sorry

if my intentions
only got you, detentions

I am so sorry

if in anyway,
things have got to be this way

But I’m not sorry

For everything I’ve done
only to bring us all to one

And now that I have to go
doesn’t mean that I stop hoping so


October 8, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Apathetics

surrounding us are the Apathetics of three kinds:

On the stage, awkward is how they feel
Barely even care to the spotlight’s heel
Safer they be, watching from the side of the stage
Embracing every detail with eyes of a sage
Rumors, openly they hear
Valid are their sights to the peer
Even the darkest spot they’re able to see
Retaining good and bad for the sake of the safety


Lame is what the Spotlghts claim them to be
Only to be crushed is why they reach for opportunity
Somtimes they could finally stay
Enduring all the pressure in the play
Rambling on with no end is how they end up on the way

, and

Silly are the Spotlights for them
Crushing others for no gem
Only fools–they say–think that shallow
Rambling in life creating shadow.
Never they’ll ever going up there
Entirely useless, that short fame to bear
Reliving life is for the only thing they care


October 6, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Spotlights

Surrounding us are the spotlights of three kinds:

Without complains they stay
On the stage of the play
Raw newbies, of them they assist to the way
Know in they be, they often save the day
Educating the kids –they say–
Reasons are as needed as no pay


Enlightening themselves is their goal
Not even once they slip into the hole
Joy was everything they feel to the soul
On the stage where they play almost every role
Yearning for the acknowledgement is why they’re here
Engraving self to every scene with no fear
Running and running till they become a Shakespeare

, and

Another one is the most ghastly
Downstage is where they always be
Drawing all attentions to them only
Interfering the blocking, so others, audience can’t see
Carrying all the stars by self even prouder than the Queen Bee
Till they’re sure the stars only belong to them eternally


October 6, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

A Letter to You

At the top of the world you used to stand
with people looked up to you with awe so grand.
As the others scorned, hiding their envy,
you shone like the sun, so very bright with no mercy.

Saving your people from the ignorance rift,
you trained them to stand with no shift.
So wise ones then they be
in a world full of hypocrisy.

Even greater than the Goddess of Greece,
your people adored you fully,
and your children grew in surrounding peace
embracing tomorrow with glory.

Yet, what happens now?
Suddenly everything becomes so raw.
People are abandoning your law,
and soon vanished were their awe.

The rulers corrupt,
complains erupt,
parents leave,
so the children grieve.

Though still so hard you try
to enlighten ones who still have a gleam in their eye,
those who came late just take your efforts for granted
as if they’re fine that it’s wasted.

“I felt no more warmth in here,”
they complain,
“I can’t face tomorrow without fear,”
they mumble like rain,
“No more fair judgements I hear,”
they scream critics but it’s vain,
“Whatever. Long time ago I’ve shed my last tear,”
the rest, no more will they’re willing to maintain.

“Be patience, My Dear,” you said.
“all I ask is your faith sincere.
I might now be in despair,
but there’s no way I let you up in the air.”

“I really wished for your support
though only for time so short.
But now that I have to fight alone,
only your kindness patience will strengthen me to the bone,
so I can go back on my throne,
taking up the only wish that I own
to continue guiding you as I’ve sworn.

I will never let myself perish.
I will go on striving only for you, whom I most cherish.

So Child, believe in me, will you please?
For I’ll have no more power to go on if you would only say, “jeez”.”


October 2, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

dedicated to my beloved department, which currently is in a crisis.


Too many things happened in only a short time,
but worry not, the thinking of letting you down, never exists even a dime.
For you are the one and the only,
our beloved ED.

A Birthday Poem for a Beloved Junior

As years passed and grow up we started to,
some happiness blurred as if disappearing into the darkness view.

But as a rainbow, vibrant with hue,
you must believe that each year, your life begins a new

And with these words few,
I send my wishes true,
that your life will never be in blue.

At last, might you understand my cue,
I just wanted to say, “Happy Birthday” the beloved



September 23, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita
dedicated to my beloved junior, Chandni Devi Septiana, for her 19th birthday: Sept 22, 2011.
May all the best positive things in the world come into her life.

word – unheard

Sometimes it doesn’t take
words to express how someone could make
us feel fake

Sometimes it doesn’t have to be
anyone telling us that we
are not actually

Sometimes it takes different languages to say
that we don’t want someone to stay

And even an expert of public speaking
wouldn’t say a thing
when she faces the King
to whom her heart cling

Friday, 23 September 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

The Official Canon Couple of FF7: Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockheart


Intinya begini, para penghuni senior di forum The Lifestream sudah melakukan yang namanya Literary Analysis: yaitu riset/penelitian yang diambil dari karya2 tulisan mengenai Final Fantasy VII: FF 10th/20th Ultimania, Reunion Files, Creator’s Interviews, dsb dsb dsb, yang menunjukkan banyak sekali bukti bahwa di FFVII AC/ACC, Tifa berperan sebagai ibu di “keluarga” mereka yang baru: Cloud, Tifa, Denzel, dan Marlene. (sementara keluarga besarnya meliputi seluruh member party FFVII), sementara bagi Cloud, yang digambarkan sebagai keluarga untuknya adalah: Tifa, Denzel, dan Marlene.

Cloud memutuskan untuk meninggalkan keluarganya setelah ia terkena Geostigma. Ia merasa kalau ia tidak berhak melindungi orang2 yang penting baginya sementara ia sudah terbukti gagal melindungi Aerith, Zack, dan dirinya sendiri. Karena itu ia memutuskan untuk pergi dan menghabiskan “sisa waktunya” sendiria,

SPOILER ALERT!! –> Bagi yang belum baca OTWTS: Case of Tifa dan pengen tau isinya

Setelah peristiwa meteor, Barret, Cloud, Tifa, dan Marlene tinggal dalam satu rumah di Edge. Mereka memutuskan untuk membuka kembali Seventh Heaven. Karena Mako Reactor sudah tidak berfungsi, beberapa waktu kemudian Barret memutuskan untuk kembali berkelana mencari sumber energi yang baru, karena itulah ia memutuskan akan lebih baik kalau Marlene dijaga oleh seseorang yang “reliable”, karena itulah ia menyerahkan Marlene ke tangan Cloud dan Tifa (kayak udah diadopsi gitu). Saat itulah keluarga baru mereka terbentuk: Cloud, Tifa, dan Marlene. Sampai beberapa waktu kemudian Denzel bergabung, dan keluarga mereka menjadi lengkap.

CoT pada dasarnya berisi bagaimana kehidupan mereka berempat sebagai keluarga. Bagaimana Cloud tiba-tiba menjadi semakin murung karena dosanya yang terasa semakin berat dan tidak termaafkan sehingga ia mulai menjauh dari keluarganya, sementara Tifa yang walaupun kurang lebih merasakan hal yang sama, tetap berusaha bertahan demi anak-anak, serta tetap berusaha untuk mengerti Cloud.

Sampai akhirnya, tiba-tiba Cloud menghilang dan tidak bisa ditemukan, atau bahkan dihubungi. –> berlanjut ke FFVII AC/ACC

Di interview-nya Nojima (penulis FFVII storyline) bilang:

(translated by Squall_of_Seed on The Lifestream.net)

“Case of Tifa … first, there’s the premise that things aren’t going well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma and Sephiroth, it would still be the same. I don’t mean to get into my views on romantic love, marriage and family. (laughs) After ACC, maybe Denzel and Marlene can get them to. Perhaps things would have gone well with Aerith, but Aerith’s responsibility is big, I think.” –Nojima

Kalimat yang dicetak tebal menyatakan bahwa di CoT, Nojima tidak bermaksud untuk membawa-bawa pandangan pribadinya mengenai “keluarga”, tapi di akhir, dia tertawa, yang berarti: oh, apparently I did!

Di Reunion Files (pg.9), Tifa di gambarkan oleh Nomura sebagai:

“There are many dimensions to Tifa’s character. She’s like a mother, a sweetheart [koibito], and a close ally in battle“ — Tetsuya Nomura

Arrrggghhh , masih banyak sekali bukti2 yang mengatakan bahwa ya, Cloud dan Tifa adalah the canon couple of FFVII, sementara perasaan Cloud ke Aerith sama dengan perasaannya ke Zack: merasa sangat berdosa karena dia tidak bisa melindungi keduanya. Karena itulah di akhir FFVII AC/ACC, akhirnya Cloud bisa memaafkan dirinya sendiri atas semua dosa2 yang ditanggungnya, dan ia sendiri menyadari kalau Aerith dan Zack akan selalu ada menjaganya.

SAMPAI AKHIRNYA! Di Final Fantasy 20th Ultimania, ada page yang membahas mengenai:

For the one I love

Through the long journeys, the love of the protagonists develop. Occasionally they become separated, but the two’s value to one another gives them the great strength to overcome whatever crisis may come.

Di halaman itu terdapat foto Tifa dan Cloud waktu adegan Highwind sebelum battle terakhir, dan captionnya bertuliskan:

“The night before the final battle
Thanks to Tifa, Cloud regains himself, and before the final battle with Sephiroth, without using words, he confirms with her that their feelings match.”

Sementara di bwah foto Cloud dan Aerith waktu di Gold Saucer caption-nya bertuliskan:

“Secret date.
At the Gold Saucer, Cloud receives an invitation from one of his companions. Who comes around with the invitation is dependent on Cloud’s behavior.”

Padahal, halaman tersebut membahas memori2 indah para pasangan canon seri Final Fantasy seperti: Ingus-Sara, Cecil-Rosa, Locke-Celes, Squall-Rinoa, Zidane-Garneth, Steiner-Beatrix, dan Tidus-Yuna. (Cloud dan Tifa pun waktu itu juga masuk “memori indah” kan? )

Penjajaran Cloud dan Tifa serta memori indah mereka dengan pasangan canon yang lain di halaman yang membahas mengenai kehidupan roman pasangan canon Final Fantasy membuktikan bahwa:

YA. Pasangan canon Final Fantasy VII adalah CLOUD STRIFE dan TIFA LOCKHEART.

Bagi yang bener-bener pengen baca analisis dan majalahnya, ini link-nya:

The Love Triangle of FFVII – An Analysis by Squall_of_SeeD

This just in: The Love Triangle Debate- over.

Begitulaaaah!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Saya hepi bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!

Semoga info ini dapat membantu…

*whewww…. capek nulisnya…*


At intersections

Some people choose left
Some people choose right

Some just forced to sail the raft
Some just, with pleased, ride the tide

At intersections,

Children confused
Teens amused
Grown-ups troubled
Elders mumbled



June 14, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

I don’t understand

I don’t understand
why was I given two hands
I don’t understand
why was I given the mouth
I don’t understand
why was I given the brain

for everything I do
seems useless
for everything I say
seems wrong
and everything I think
seems not real


why bother
having these two hands
why bother
having this mouth
why bother
having these thoughts?

I don’t know


what people can understand
from hands
are the violence

what people can notice
from mouth
is the screaming

and what people know
from mind
are all those assumptions

and cries.

and I just don’t understand


April 5. 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


is what
think of

but that is
what I meant to be

from above
you always see

equipping yourself
with the wings of
the King of Fairy

is what I

yes, I might still prefer
you as my

but I decide to just stop
placing myself
as the owner of the sea

blending with those of the
so-called plankton,
but still as a me

living side by side with them
while keeping
my originality

you see?

it’s not so hard
realizing the peacefulness of
the harmony

if that the case be

is somewhat of


in myself
is what I see


March 17, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Sorry, if I’m just different.

A slight pause from the poetry. I’ll continue later.

You know, people judge me of being too individualist. They say that I lack of empathy and I don’t care about anything but myself.

And when I ask “why so?”, they can’t really answer with authentic examples. They come back to lecturing me and trying so hard to convince me that I’m wrong.

One of them said that I have become the product of westernization.
How so?


First, because I drink coffee, and almost can’t leave it.


I did not answer back then, but now I’ll say:
Oh, well, if you think that only western people drink coffee, tell that to my drivers, or those construction workers, or those other workmen.


Because they too drink coffee.

So they’re part of the westernization products too?


Second is because I am not a follower of what-so-called the Kingdom of the Society.


I refuse to entirely change myself based on what society expects me to be. At my house, maybe I have to cope with it, I have to just say “yes” to what they’re demanding, judging, and telling me to be. But here?

Hell no!

Unless if what I need to change is minor attitude towards someone or something, I can cope with that.

But changing myself entirely? Huh? What for?

I mean, seriously, maybe I’m being mean. Maybe I’m just not your type of person to hang out with, or maybe I’m just justifying myself and blah blah blah, whatever. Suit yourself. But just like in my fb status yesterday, what’s the point in not being you when you know the real you are more beautiful than that so-called-better you? Wouldn’t that be such as waste?

Because in my opinion, even if you don’t intentionally do it, EVERYTHING changes.

You were once a baby, a child, and suddenly you are this almost grown-up who starts being afraid of what you’ll become.

People around you started to change and suddenly they’re just…not there.

Your parents started to demand bigger things from you: from good grades to a spouse to children to grandchildren.

EVERYTHING changes even if you don’t want them to.


My friend once said that by refusing to change myself, I’m being this arrogant stubborn ignorant stupid bitch who lacks of empathy and social sense.

I get it. Believe me. I get it what he meant by saying that.

I’ve been there (on his feet), and done that. Felt that. I completely get it.

Being so dependent to my best friends as if my world would collapse without them, becoming very sad when I was alone, feeling very VERY painful when they ignored me. Oh, I was willing to do anything to make my best friends felt comfy with me.


Then everything just changed. We went our separate ways and for unknown reasons, stop contacting each other.

Well, not entirely. Sometimes we goes out when we went home. But my point is, they’re just not there WITH you.

And at that time I once felt the emptiness. I lost my ways and I did not know what to do.

I had been this happy-go-lucky girl before meeting my best friends. Seeing the world from the eyes of a little girl who were full of optimism. Then I got friends and bet friends, my life was like shining. I felt like I was not alone anymore.

Then shits happened, and my world was literally falling apart.

Then I see, friends aren’t always willing to be with you at your every moment.

Sometimes they just leave you.

Sometimes they betray you.

Sometimes they stab you from your back,

Sometimes they just…don’t need you anymore.


Haha. Hold on! I am NOT saying that we should not have any friend! Nu uh! No way! That’s impossible.

We NEED friends.


What I don’t need is the too-much dependence. Because if you make your life depend on your society, someday when they’re gone. You’re just gonna lose your way. And I once did. And I don’t want that to happen again.

“We can always find new friends.”

Haha. Yea true. Aren’t you tired of the impermanence? Like, you’ll always have to find any person wherever you are?

Because I already am. Tired. It’s like I don’t have any control of my own life. Losing my own free will.

So what I am trying to say is that being independent doesn’t make me lack of empathy or social sense/ability. I just don’t want the attachment gets too tight. Because that’s addictive. Once you’re to tight attached, you start hoping for more, seeing more, and disappointing/disappointed more.

Oh I do have friends.

Because as my teacher, Mikaluvisa HW, once said, being friends doesn’t mean you have to be together everyday.

So for me, being friends means:

helping each other,
improving each others’ self-esteem,
hoping for each others’ best
getting each others’ back

therefore no matter how often you’re together with them, how long the distance that keeps you apart,

they still are your friends.

And with that definition, my teachers are my friends. My sisters are my friends. My best friends are my friends.


and I care so much about you guys.

But if your definition of “friends” is someone who be with you every time, then am I not one of your friends? 😦

I’m very sad to know that. 😦


See, there are many things that you need to consider before you start judging others.

Not every majority’s view is correct. Not what people say is always true. You may have different opinions but please respect others’ too.

We have our freedom of choice. We have the right to choose which path we take. And we are responsible for our own choices.



I’ll never be you, and you’ll just never be me.

If you’re happy with your popularity, then fine will I be.

Just pushing it on me,

don’t be.



March 15, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

the white birds and the black birds

don’t be

our eyes are
in size

our feathers are
in color

what else?

I can’t even find
more than
those two!


we live in
the same
mother earth, on
the same
land, and under
the same

so why so persistent that
we can’t
live together?

o, you stupid white birds!
why do you think
God gives you
opportunities to
fly higher?

is it to mock others?
is it to be over proud of yourselves?
or really,
to underestimate them?
to think of yourselves as nobles?

grow up!

and you,
you black birds!
what do you think
you’re doing?

you think
you’re fighting them?
you think
you’re trying to
prove yourselves?
making a
better place to live?

yea right.

mocking them,
is not a fight!
underestimating them
is not proving anything!
how is it gonna make you
a better place
to live?

c’mon, you two!
are you
to be this way?

do you not
you’re building
your own cages?

cause I,

do not wish
to be
with any of you!

right, just
build your cage!

and I
am gonna fly freely here
spreading my
transparent wing

watching you

March 15, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


see the world
narrow eyes

think of people
black or white

lift up
blunt chin
square jaw,
thinking high
your kind

look down
to the dark
and always
foolishly look up
to the light

am NOT
part of you!

might’ve been
but I
no longer am

can’t deceive
with your stupid


now stand by
and walk
my path.

the real

everyone that
there’s no fairness in
that so-called-fair skin of
that so-called tactful brains of

and together,
with them,

will fight

because there’s just
no longer


March 14, 2011
in the mood of appreciating justice,
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

My Life

it’s like being in a tube
with my solitude
playing my own tune
while they’re chewing their lettuce

I’m a freak
so they say
and though I’m ’bout to break
they’re just not going away

so I stay
enjoying my own play
ignoring that all day
they stare at me like I’m in their mind, a gay

just go away!
unless you have a word to say
and willing to show me the way
leave me alone! Okay?

March 9, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


is like
two sides of a coin
one piece of a one-way glass, and


reflection of Emily Dickinson’s poems,
Feb 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

responding Emily Dickinson

if ever people talk about heaven
it’s to themselves that will it be given
as for the hearts that are broken
I think it could never be proven


in Poetry Class,
Feb 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

oh, I just don’t remember you

I stay
you go away
I choose to return
but then, there you turn

my life, you intruded
my heart, you tampered
my mind, you puzzled
my fortress, you battled

see now!
care? I don’t.
sad? I won’t.
disappointed? would probably haunt,
but later, it’ll be gone.

and you
will only past
because for someone new
will my love be blast

see that you’re just not gonna last!


Feb 15, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


I see a light
in a very dark night
calling me up
with some coffee in a cup

I stand on cloud
while their faces are just pout
and to them I beg
to stop mocking my lack

but then the light disappear
it was like nothing was real
and here I am
building up my own dam


Feb 5, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


I do not need words
because words are only current’s mere thoughts
I do not need thoughts
for thoughts are only shameful assumptions
I do not need assumptions
as assumptions are rarely truth
because I only want the truth
the truth that says: Love.

for I am a person
who doesn’t understand words
because I am a person
who cannot accept mere thoughts
since I am a person
who really hates shameful assumptions
as I am a person
who then gives only the truth
the truth that says: to you, I’ve fallen in love.


Feb 4, 2011
for inspirations about love that rarely comes,
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Song of Hope

I recently thought of some words that I would say later, when I manage to get out of this hole… and I came up with this… hahaha.. enjoy… ^^

The Song of Hope: Walking with the Stars

It’s still very raw quality though… I’m currently finding someone who could work together with me to edit this song… hahahaha

Walking with the Stars – Lyric
by Angela Cindy

I was living in the dark
with nobody else inside
Some people were there
but they weren’t actually alive
And I’d always been wondering
what was it like to be outside

Then I find my way out,
I could see the light that you provide
Giving me the strength to fight
until everything’s alright

*And now I’m walking with the stars
with all these dazzling light that wipe the wars
holding me tight, and giving me hope

**And now I’m rising with these stars
who believe I could fly to the Mars
Now everything’s true, ’cause I am here with you
walking with the stars


Hope you like it,
Zee. 🙂

a Shameless Coward

I am a coward.
I talk big, but I think small.
I try to attract attention when I don’t even have anything to perform.
I feel like I am beautiful when the mirror says I am as ugly as a pig.
I think like I am smart which proves my real stupidity.
I tried to be like strong when my heart wants to be weak.
I want to depend on someone I love when I know
by having this kind of posture, being a weakling
will only make me look even more pathetic and ridiculous.
I am a coward.

Jan 29, 2011
in the midst of weaknesses and confusion.

Thoughts and Feelings

As night went darker
These feelings of mine felt even weirder
There seemed to be things that were bigger
But now they are just stranger

The heart said “Yes,
Leave them to me, all the rest.
I’ll do my very best
to finish all those test.”

But the mind said, “No,
There are things that are more than just this so-so.
Though you think like you really know,
but you do realize that you just can’t go.”

And then when the morning broke,
it was almost like a stroke.
Though I still thought that it was all a joke,
deep down, I knew that something was more than just a poke.

Jan 29, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita


I just don’t understand
what’s happening
in this land.

The leaves are brown,
but the trunks are green.
Human lays on the ground
where nothing lies within.

The sky is red,
and the clouds are blue.
Just nothing can be read
from that voice of you.

Oh, the mighty Sun,
why do you look so pale?
When your job is not yet done,
but it looks as if you are in jail.

Is it possible
that you’ve lost your light?
Just who the heck is able
to win that kind of fight?


Jan 25, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Everything is a Cycle

how could I dream?
if I have never had the chance to sleep
how could I sleep?
if I have never had the chance to stop
how could I stop?
if I have never had the chance to run
how could I run?
if I have never had the chance to stand
how could I stand?
if I have never had the chance to fall
how could I fall?
if have never had the chance to fly
how could I even fly?
if i have never had the chance to dream


Jan 24, 2011
Cindy “Zee” Alvionita

Words of Apology

I Love Thee
I love somebody else
And aside from her,
I want no one else

I’m sorry,
It had to be this way
But I just couldn’t let my love to her

In the midst of the beauty
Of the 2002 play
Thee looked at me happily
When I say:
“Treasuring thee
I may”

But now everything has been locked
When all lines of blood
Has been blocked
With clot

And although for her it’s not
Her blood
Is my blood
I’ve tied it with a solid knot

I’m just sorry that
In here with us
Thee just can not

Cindy “Zee”
Jan 24, 2011

I’m sorry but…I REALLY prefer J-Dorama

Okay. I am claiming my FREEDOM of SPEECH right, so if you are a fan of any product that starts with K-sth, DO NOT ENTER! Daripada lo nggak terima, trus ngajak gw berantem… Gw-nya yang kabuur…  ^^a

This is merely my OPINION after all.

Anyway, I actually didn’t plan on criticizing any side,


Due to all those J-DORAMA that has been “turned” into K-Drama, my hands just started to itch…to write.

Okay. Actually, I just basically dislike k sth after they dreadfully copied those favorite movies of mine.

Especially lately, the Playful Kiss, which is the K version of

Itazura Na Kiss, and

It’s started with a Kiss and They Kiss Again

One word: LEBAY.

Masalahnya, lebay-nya di sini bukan lebay yang seperti di Nodame Cantabile atau Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (both TW and J version), yang LITERALLY bikin saya ngakak sampe mules2.

Lebay yang ini bikin saya

(¬˛ ¬”)


I mean, I know that the culture is just different, but why make such version. Why don’t they make something original instead? Because in my opinion, people like those kinds of movie because it’s trending here.

Say, let’s see 10 years later. I don’t think that people would still even remember about the movie just like what they (and I) do about ENDLESS LOVE (seriously! This is cool!!) or FULL HOUSE, which are the originals, and a lot funnier and sweeter and touchy than those present dramas.

I mean A LOT.

Ask some people about BBF, and they’d say, “He e tuh!! Apik banget!”

But ask them about FULL HOUSE, and they will definitely say, “HAAA! Itu lebih apik lagi! Yang pas bagian…blah…blah..blah…”

See the difference?

Well, this is the movie I was talking about.


They tried to match the originals -> ITAZURA NA KISS

and the first generation -> It’s started with a kiss,

which I may say that they have failed even from the first impression.

The worst part for me is the character-alternation. The main female character, which for me it’s still KOTOKO, is supposed to be very VERY stupid. THAT’s what makes it very touchy when, the main male character, STILL NAOKI!, falls in love with her.

Ariel Lin acted wonderfully and almost made some of my friends and I felt, like, “Grrrrrhhhh!!! How could she possibly be AMAZINGLY STUPID??!”

and Joe Bryan Cheng,

WOW! I almost didn’t believe that there is a TW actor that could act as cold as Naoki. Seriously, I was impressed. really.

I don’t have to comment on J version of Naoki and Kotoko because, DUH, they’re the originals!

But seriously!

This time. Urgh. I tried my best not to throw up.

What the hell is that awkwardly-weird forest??

And A WHITE HORSE??? Naoki was turning into a white horse??

And what is that BALLET thingy supposed to mean??


Gimme a break! That’s not even entertaining. 😥

Anyway, I just think that this is just some kind of ridiculous joke. If they can make original dramas that could stand as high as the J drama that they poorly copied, why do they have to do so?

I’d rather watch SASSY GIRL CHUN HYANG instead. THAT is hilarious and touchy.

Ha. Now that I mentioned it…

nonton ah… *bongkar2 tempat DVD*

Zee you again, Folks! Thanks for reading.. 😀



1.VACATION -> ni short drama yang dimainin Dong Bang Shin Ki / Tohoshinki / Tong Vfang Xien Qi / TVfXQ/ TVXQ. Sumpah lucu dan mengharukan banget!! A must-watch movie!
4. ENDLESS LOVE -> yang ini bikin gw ngabisin tissue ber-pak2 tapi ya udahlah, wong memang bagus.
6. HWANG Ji NI (atau Jin I? wtv.  (¬_ ¬”))

A Glimpse of Her

This semester
She was feeling not at all better
In fact, she was feeling like the water
but with some splinter

Just like the water
if you ignored her
if you disturbed her

she would stay away from any pose
and just a wink
then she would violently kink

Her head seemed to be bigger
but her brain was actually smaller
her heart shrank
but the pain marched
like a battle of gang

At some point she wanted to quit
to see the horizon and where the sun split
but then she know
whether or not she flow
guilt will always undergo


Dec 2, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

Being the Worst Teacher

In contrast to my to posts before,

I was being a really terrible teacher today.

See, my students are having a test on reading and vocabulary tomorrow…

Instead of reviewing the materials for them, i WAS PLAYING THEM A MOVIE!!!!!!

Jezz, I wondered what was I thinking. 😦

It was not my intention to neglect the test at all. I just wanted to give them some insights about all the values of the movie: about the teaching, the unity in diversity, and education because it was all very inspirational: the FREEDOM WRITERS, as it was in my post previously.

And the seemed to like the movie too by the way…

But I still feel so terribly sorry… T^T


Dec 2, 2010
Zee. 😦

The Ship

There was this one ship
And they picked me to be the navigator
and although I didn’t have the whip
I knew I would figure out what to do later

The ship sailed
With beauty it was hailed
The passengers danced salute bows
As if there was nothing to worry about

In the middle of the sea
Storms came angrily
The passengers wailed
The crew were running scared
The captain fled and prayed
Nobody cares whether I stayed

The lifeboats were released
Everyone started to leave
And here I stand
alone with my land

And even though I know
where to go
But I don’t know
What to do with the dynamo
Because I am not the Head Honcho


Dec 1, 2010
Angela Cindy Alvionita
…or Zee.

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